Account “Romestar”

I could use a little help on this poem, please.

This poem is presented as the only Biographical information for a mad old Lore Master I play in LOTRO who claims to be one of the Blue Wizards. Most of the names for the Blue Wizards were blocked by the system, but I was fortunate enough to get the name Romestar. Interestingly enough, Romestamo was blocked as a player name, but not as a surname, so I became Romestar Romestamo (This is important to note due to the way I presented the names in the body of the poem.)

I cobbled these couple of verses together from a few sources which may be obvious and deliberately dropped a bit of "old" Quenya in just to be contrary and make the verses seem more antiquated.

Sorry if it seems crude! I don't pretend to be a Tolkien languages expert, but I used to teach ESL in Latin America so I made an honest effort of making everything agree based on my classroom knowledge of grammar. Feel free to make corrections, changes, etc. as you see fit.

(Note: I would like "Out of the grey country, darkness lies" to read "Out of the Eastern lands, darkness rises" to denote the unnatural state of darkness rising in the east instead of the dawn. I was reworking this line when I decided to come here and ask for help.)

From .: LAMENTATION for the BLUE WIZARDS :.

Romestar! Nai, Romestar, elenion ancalima!

Si vanwa na, Romello vanwa, Istar Luine.

Ilye tier undulave lumbule.

Ar sindanoriello caita mornie.

Romestar! Ai, Romestar, ancalima ep eleni!

Auta i lome, ar aure entuluva. Istar Luine.

Isilme lantalasse,

Ai, Romestamo, ramainen aurinke,

(-Translation-)

Romestar! Alas, Romestar, brightest of stars!

Now lost, lost to the Easterlings is the Blue Wizard.

All paths are drowned in deep sorrow

And out of the grey country, darkness lies.

Romestar, Oh, Romestar, brighter than the stars!

The night is passing and day shall come again, Blue Wizard!

With the setting of the moon,

Oh, Aid of the East, on sunlit wings!

(?‍♂️ A huge round of applause and deepest gratitude to the developers of this site! This is an incredible resource! ?‍♂️)

You seem to be referring to "aurinke" by your "old Quenya" statement (I see no other words that would fit that description. Although... I'll explain). Not sure what you mean by "to be contrary", but that word is not at all "antiquated", it is something else entirely. Though firstly: Elsewhere in the poem you use "C" for the sound /k/ (e.g. ancalima) but with that word it is "k". One should use one or the other, not both.

Now for the true nature of "aurinke": It is an "Early Qenya" word, which does not mean that it is "archaic" but that it is a "draft". Not old in the Internal History (of Arda), but rather within the External History of the Legendarium in our world. In actual (i.e. Post-LotR / 1950+) Quenya, aurincë would rather mean "little day", which obviously makes little sense, so it could be interpreted as "dayish" in the sense "only partially day" like dawn or dusk perhaps (cf. luinincë "bluish [lit. little blue]"). So this word will need to go.

I don't think that the Blue Wizards can be considered fitting for "[Eärendil] elenion ancalima", since they are not stars, but why not... That "lost to the Easterlings" does not quite work with Rómello which is rather "from East"; Tolkien's usage of it was in the poetic "[to those who are] from East" form. The line "Ilyë tier undulávë lumbulë" (with proper spelling) does not mean "... in deep sorrow" but rather "... in deep shadow". Your requested alteration of the "darkness" line would be: Ar Rómenóriellon orya mornië. And the penultimate line is more or less "in falling moonlight", which is not what you need there.

I have no problem with letting go of "aurinke". I was perplexed that I could not find another form of "sunlit" that was not simply "golden". I had considered using "on wings of the sun". Suggestions?

I realize that the name I am using presents problems with East and Easterling and I can't really use Rhûn. I had considered getting a bit more specific with Hildórien or even Murmenalda simply because I like the connotations of being lost in sleep rather than in death.

I initially did not want to go with the "falling moonlight", either. Now that I consider it, I would have liked to have used "with the waning/fading of the night". Again, I am open to suggestions.

You cannot use "Murmenalda" (from 1920) either, because it is gibberish in actual Quenya (from 1960).

I do not know how else I can help except by rewriting the whole thing without using direct quotations from the poems of Tolkien.