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Unfortunately this still needs quite a lot of work. To illustrate my points, I have attempted a translation myself:
Têl? Ach lîdh ú·dêl sí. Gurth râd egel i moe padrad an·ilphen. I·fadhrost vith en amar hen eria a h·ill ola cheledh gelebren. A h·en toleg tired han: rest ‘lain, a h·athar san, dôr galen chaer nu amrûn lagor
“End? No, the journey doesn't end here. Death is just another path, one that we all must take. The grey rain-curtain of this world rolls back, and all turns to silver glass, and then you see it. White shores, and beyond, a far green country under a swift sunrise.”
Têl? “End?”
The earlier sentence form Pippin is “I didn't think it would end this way”, and Gandalf repeats that end as a question, which would be a verb in the 3rd person singular of a verb ‘to end’ (I picked *tel-), not the noun “(an) end”.
ú·dêl “doesn’t end”
the normal negation is ú “no, not”, ava- “don’t” is used to negate commands: ú-chebin estel anim “I don’t keep hope for myself” vs. avo garo “don’t do it”.
râd “path”
Sometimes you’ll find multiple different words for a single translation, like in this case fû and râd for ‘path’. In that case it’s usually a good idea to check if one is better attested than the other: fû is derived from the one phrase Fui ’Ngorthrim “Paths of the Dead”, but we don’t have a specific gloss, it’s etymology or indeed even it’s singular form — fû is an educated guess. For râd on the other hand we know it’s root, have a gloss and see it in compounds, so it’s arguably the safer choice.
i·fadhrost vithren “the gray rain-curtain”
Adjectives usually follow the nouns they modify and get mutated in Sindarin, so “grey veil” usually is fân vithren, not mithren fân. Also the compound fadhrost ← fân + rost “rainy curtain” illustrates that in Sindarin words frequently change form when compounded. The phenomenon of mutation shows up frequently in Sindarin, not only for adjectives, but for direct objects like heledh → ola cheledh “become glass” and after certain function words like têl → ú·dêl “doen’t end” as well.
Based on a couple of words, I assume your last sentence is something to the effect of “don’t fear, for death is the gift of Ilúvatar and eventually even the Elves will desire it”, but unfortunately the text isn’t really interpretable as it stands now.
I would suggest to revisit some learning resources before attempting to revise your translation, we have a thread of recommended ones here. In case you have specific questions or need help, you are warmly invited to ask here on Parf Edhellen.
Gilruin , Gilruin
